Come Along with me to the India of Anandamayi Ma

If I Was Dying

Posted on January 21, 2012 by Nandikesha

Well,
I can’t remember what your voice sounds like.

I would bathe in frankincense
wrap my body in wool
call Ma, say Ma, sing Ma, worship Ma
pick nettles, stroke yarrow, rest
give thanks, plant a seed, juxtapose
pour laughter into every one of yr eyes
dance with Abandon, dance with Ganesha
dance with a stone, be full, write a note
to the wind and give it
to Silence

& then

I would grab hold of the Sun
and whisper:

You’re a boat.
Dampen.
I love myself only when it’s easy to.

So many holes.

I would go see Akron/Family
more
than
once

From atop the bottomless wake proclaim:
I Love You,
rippling water
standing in for
a name.

With Your name on my lips
What wish could ever be unfulfilled?

I would fly to the moon
offer it a cup
of Borage and Bergamot and Lemon Balm
brewed in a ball jar two years ago
and with my heart beat a drum
for each sip
that sunk
up

up into boundless forever
up into wordless surrender
up into All that we are

down
fluttering
down

gossamer shivers
rinse what’s ripe
to spin the only response

KEEP STILL
chimes the roar

to be numb
is to be taken
to pretend is to stretch before

your
SELF

or
out breaks a calm &
open hangs the door

your diaphanous body shines

as wasp glitters

light

you sound like

light

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“Everywhere is a Ma place”

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Nandikesha| 2 Comments

Well, I find myself here updating only two days before I’m scheduled to leave the mind-shatteringly beautiful chaos of Lord Shiva’s Varanasi. This place, Varanasi in particular, India in general, cannot be pinned down by any this-or-that linguistic dance moves. But my heart is doing cartwheels and my eyes are leaking gratitude. To have had this precious opportunity to flit about the unknown and kiss the quiet within myself is a blessing I will always carry.

“Embody, don’t embalm,” says Shambhavi. I intend to do my best and share with all of you not merely the fabulous stories of delightfully strange and amazing experiences, but the living change of my whole being.

That said, in an effort to contextualize the photos I’m itching (mosquito-faced and somehow smiling) to show you, here’s a quick rundown of our time here in Kashi/Benares/Varanasi.

9 hr wait on the New Delhi train platform before boarding to Varanasi

we stayed at Singh Guest House in Anandamayee Ghat, Varanasi

Ma Ganga from Anandamayee Ghat, Varanasi

cow pie plaster fun, Varanasi

holding the key, NAMAH SHIVAYA NAMAH SHIVAYA

setting the sankalpa (intention) for our yatra, first day in Varanasi

evening aarti from a boat on the Ganga simply cannot be captured

Sadashiva and Gangi at Ganga aarti

JAI GANESHA!

Varanasi street scene at night

recycled offerings

Anna chillin' with a goat before our boat ride along the ghats

view of the ghats from the Ganga

Nandi and Shiva lingam at Trailoka Swami Mandir, Varanasi

laundry on the ghats

an Ardhanarishwara (Shiva-Shakti) mural, Varanasi

the man claimed to drink 150 cups of chai/day!

that smile! persistence: "hello ma'am, ten rupees?"

ghat kids seeing us off

unpictured highlights chronologically arranged:

Vishwanath Temple: Heavily guarded due to past terrorist attacks. I even had to leave my little pocket lingam outside. A man with kind eyes pressed it to his head and heart and held it for me til we came back out. Inside was beyond beautiful. Struck by the many different forms worship takes.

A literal feast of scents at the home of a 7th generation family of essential oil-makers!

Dream of holding my Dad’s face in my hands and saying I love you.

Ganga boat ride: Kedarnath Temple – the only temple to survive the last major Mogul destruction of temples in the 17th century. One story says that the Mogul invaders were warned it was a very powerful place. When they entered anyway and tried to strike the Shiva lingam, the Nandi murti came alive and attacked them, forcing them to retreat. Manikarnaka ghat – the main cremation ghat in Varanasi, 250 bodies/day are ritually bathed and burned there at the gateway to liberation.

Ganga boat ride

off the boat at Adikesheva Temple, the northernmost temple of Varanasi

sunset over the Ganga

More unpictured highlights:

A fascinating and inspired lecture on the role of devotion in Kashmir Shaivism by Mark Dyczkowski at his home at Narad Ghat. Also the amazing tabla/sitar concert he performed a few days later! A real communion taking place, between the duo of musicians and between the musicians and That Reality, Shiva.

Our nine hour walking yatra, stopping at countless temples, many within people’s homes and shedding any lingering self-consciousness about “doing worship wrong”. There are no words to express what having done with walking yatra means to me. Lingams, lingams, everywhere. My Lord, where could I possibly hide from you? Certainly not in Your holy city, but where can one escape from You who are everywhere, everything? OM NAMAH SHIVAYA

Dinner and spontaneous dance party at the home of Vijay, a local stonecutter and artist, devotee of Lord Ganesha. Such a gift to spend time in a family’s home.

Our peaceful days away in the village of Vindhyachal: hours of sadhana and satsang at the Anandamayi Ma ashram. The property is spectacular, trees flowering and bearing fruit (occasionally freely taken by the most majestic monkeys!), was wonderful to meet the kind and gracious Swamiji. Chai from the walla beside our guest house and the wonderful young people we met there.The Trikon Yatra of three Shakti temples arranged in a triangle. Whew.

I may update once more before I leave with some photos taken in Vindhyachal and since returning to Varanasi, but right now…

I feel so much love for the people here with me. They (and you) brought me here and I feel so thankful to be here with them, practicing and learning together. The fork in my life is melting. Is it now a knife? Clear cut. I know what I want, I know the road I want to take and I’ve tasted my own confidence and strength to go in that direction. I know that I’m walking the right way down the right path for me, with my Teacher and the teachings and this beautiful, inspiring Kula I find myself a part of. There is really no choice. This is it. Jai Ma!

Thank You for Your Love and clearing away of obstacles on this journey. May I live forever at Your feet. OM MA SHARANAM OM MA!

Jaya Ma

See you in a few days, Minneapolis friends. See you in a couple weeks, dear family. See you in a month, Portland. Beaming Love to all of you until our faces meet again!

Love,
Nandi

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Tagged Ganesha, Ganga, ghats, Shiva, Varanasi, Vindhyachal, Yatra

Banyan Tree, Daksha Mandir, Kankhal (11.20.11)

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Nandikesha

Banyan Tree, Daksha Mandir, Kankhal (photo by Shambhavi)

Worshipers of infinite variety come and go
as chipmunks fat on offerings
circumambulate the massive trunk.
Dozens of bees buzz round
drunk on the nectar of His formless form
bedecked with marigolds.
Boys bathe the steps from here to Ganga
as stern men holding plastic bags look on.

This small spade of a leaf
drops to my lap
but what is mine
when even this 1/4″ wriggling tailed insect is none
but Thine?
Yellow beak, yellow feet, yellow eyes -
every peck is Thine.
Yellow chirps for a heart itching to KNOW.

Still in the womb

A scurrying blur
slips under the red-wrapped intentions of people unknown
as a boy of 12 approaches after an exchange of smiling waves.
Making a sign of the cross, he asks who my God is
“Shiva.”
(There is only One)
“Shivji?” he confirms, beaming.

Even in America, one is attracted to His
unyielding sweetness, like bees to the lingam.

OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
OM NAMAH SHIVAYA

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from the Kalyanvan ashram roof (11.17.11)

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Nandikesha

Eleven ravens swoop and call out
MA! MA! MA! MA!
Leaves rustled free fall to -
There is no ground.
Mountain tower to the east collects the dawn.
This roof is
crumbling.
Light bursts over peak!
I am
exposed.
The frenzied honk of tuk-tuks begins anew.
The nightlong barks and yelps of unseen dogs find peace.
Breath goes out
d i s s o l v i n g . . .
This morning,
Rajpur Rd.

— — — — —

O Lord
You keep right on
blessin’ me.

Ya Blessin\’ Me

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Dunga Dunga Dunga

Posted on November 27, 2011 by Nandikesha| 2 Comments

Jai Ma, everyone!

Apologies for the update delay. The Catch Up:

Stretching back all the way to Nov 15th, the six of us were taken to the Raipur ashram where we intended to do seva. Swamiji had other plans for us, leading us to a kutir built by Sri Seth Jamnalal Baja, a great disciple of Ghandiji who first came to Ma in Raipur, where he stayed with Her for some time, and subsequently built the kutir so that he could do his sadhana there. Returning to the ashram we were presented with a lunchtime feast and ate with a couple dozen local devotees of Ma.

Bhayyaji's kutir

After lunch, Swamiji passed us on to a really kind man, Sachindra Singh, who drove all of us to their old family stomping grounds in the forest village of Dunga where, it is said, every leaf has been blessed by rishis. Winding single file rocky paths led us to the near-ruins of a kitchen building, a small ashram and a temple which has since been plundered of its murtis (images of God) and all of its marble tiles, thieves leaving behind nothing but a beautiful, blue Shiva lingam to preside over the further dissolution of this holy place. Also on the property is a HUGE Pipal tree under which Ma used to meditate during her peaceful stays in the silence of Dunga.

Dehradun girl

the remains of Ma's Dunga kitchen

the view

Sachindra (far right) w/ his brother in Dunga

remains of the Radha-Krishna mandir, Dunga

Shiva lingam at the temple ruins in Dunga (photo by Shambhavi)

Pipal tree Ma meditated under in Dunga

sitting under Ma's Pipal tree

Dunga beauty

the beautiful surroundings of the temple ruins in Dunga

Sachindra eventually took us to their “Dunga of the city” in Dehradun, a vast family compound of many houses on five acres where we were offered far too many sweets and chais and looked at a photo album of Ma mostly from the 1930s. Exhausted, we eventually escaped back to our Kalyanvan cottage home.

After another day there, we said farewell to the men who served us so wonderfully there: Moustache guy, Motorcycle guy, Bald Glow and the young pujari with the hauntingly beautiful voice whose aarti melody is still ringing in a number of our ears. We headed back to Kankhal (Haridwar) for three days of relaxation before the train ride to Delhi and meeting up with the others flying in to join us. Spent a lot of the time with my nose deep in Death Must Die, the diaries of one of Ma’s foremost western disciples, Atmananda.

Running out of time for this update, I’ll conclude for now with a quote from Death Must Die:

“Surrender is not mere passive acceptance, but is rather to consider everything that happens as coming from God.”
-Atmananda, p.178

Will continue the update as soon as I can! Jai Ma!

Love,
Nandi

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Tagged Anandamayi Ma, ashram, Atmananda, Death Must Die, Dunga, Raipur, surrender, Yatra

Dehradun: The Fork

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Nandikesha| 5 Comments

Jai Ma, everyone!

entrance to Anandamayi Ma's Raipur ashram

Ma's room, Raipur ashram

Here goes… On the morning of Nov 8th, we six sadhakas squeezed into an Ambassador & wound our way down to Raipur from our Mussoorie mountain home. We arrived at the Anandamayi Ma ashram in Raipur where we were waiting for Swamiji to get back. Turned out he was in Haridwar for the day, but Ma had other plans for us. The caretaker, Pawan, and his (extended) family of Ma devotees arranged for us to spend the night in the Great Hall of the ashram where Ma would receive visitors during Her stays in Raipur! Giant spiders spinning silent japa in the adjacent room provided us with a proper fear factor. Haha. Pawan’s wonderful family invited us over for dinner and we spent a few hours cozied up in a sitting room conversing, taking maaaaany photos together and eating the best meal we’ve had this whole journey! We were served with the Indian motto, “Atithi devo bhavah (“Guest is God”) – Thank you, everyone! Such precise attention and untiring kindness is truly a magnificent example for all of us. After dinner, we returned to the ashram and slept in a row on the floor, feeling completely taken care of by Ma.

Jai Ma!

a spider sadhaka at the Raipur ashram

!!!!!!!!!

Marigold garlands, Raipur ashram

Ma altar, Raipur ashram

Atmaja, Bhairavi, Karunajyoti and Shambhavi all smiles after learning we could spend the night at the Raipur ashram

Nandi, my namesake (Shiva temple at Ma's Raipur ashram)

natural pigment painting of Lord Shiva at Shiva mandir, Raipur ashram

The next morning a young man of the family, Abishek, introduced us to the city bus and guided us to Ma’s Kishenpur ashram, where Ma left Her body in August of 1982. The room outside Her bedroom is open for us to meditate in and we’ve all spent some time there in silence.

Ma's seat outside Her bedroom, Kishenpur ashram

Ma and Shiva mandirs from temple courtyard, Kishenpur ashram

We’ve been staying at the Kalyanvan ashram just a short walk down the road from Kishenpur for the past week in a basic two-story cottage, having many of our meals prepared by the oft-smiling ashramites and settling down to do hours of sadhana each day. It’s felt SO GOOD to be settled in one place for awhile, especially a place as (relatively) quiet as this!

entrance to our cottage at Ma's Kalyanvan ashram

mossy path to our cottage

our surroundings at the Kalyanvan ashram

there is a tree here that "bleeds"

view of another cottage's roof where we do morning sadhana

On the evening of Guru Purnima (full moon, Nov 10th), The sadhaka formerly known as Zach received diksha (initiation) from Shambhavi and received the name Sadashiva. With great joy, we welcome Sadashiva into the Kula (family of spiritual practitioners)!

Goodbye Zach, Hello Sadashiva!

On a personal note, I’ve been facing my Kapha wall of laziness and forcing myself to a lot more yoga EVERY morning. It feels grrrrrrrrreat! To make the day to day decision-making process smoother, we’ve been taking turns being “leader” for the day. It was interesting to notice the initial dread I felt when thinking of the first day I would have to lead, it became such a huge thing in my head, but in the end it all turned out well. Shh… Don’t tell anyone, but I sort of liked it. Haha. Self conceptions crumbling like the “Grimy Grandeur” (™ Shambhavi!) walls of nearly every building I’ve seen here.

"Grimy Grandeur"

I keep coming to the fork: Do I want to feed my distractions or put myself at Ma’s feet and be a true disciple? I know what I want. I am ready to continue down this path toward discovering my Self, with the help of Ma and my Teacher and the ceaseless support and example of this Kula. Jai Ma!

We are leaving Dehradun on Friday and heading back to the International Guest House in Kankhal, beside Ma’s ashram there, for the weekend before taking the train to Delhi on Monday to meet Gangi, Lieve, Kris, Anna and Vinn who will be joining us for the remainder of our journey! Stay tuned, friends.

Love,
Nandi

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Tagged Anandmayi Ma, ashram, Dehradun, diksha, Kalyanvan, Kishenpur, Mussoorie, Raipur

Opening in Mussoorie

Posted on November 6, 2011 by Nandikesha

This gallery contains 18 photos.

Hello from the mountains of Mussoorie! Uttarkashi was beautiful, but a few of us had gotten sick and the food situation was rough so we decided to venture on in search of a place where we could all really settle down and do sadhana. The drive up from Uttarkashi was gorgeous with thick fog rolling in as we climbed up up up, winding through the hills to roughly 6000 ft elevation here in Mussoorie. It’s amazing to imagine Anandamayi Ma WALKING from Uttarkashi all the way up here in 1935 – how different it must have been then! We spent a night at the Broadway Hotel before finding a chilly yet delightful old English manor to rent for the rest of our stay here. It’s been wonderful having a place where we can simply practice and relax – and even cook some meals for ourselves! I’ve also been really enjoying our evening readings from Didi’s six-volume detailed account of Ma’s life. It’s incredible how the particulars of Ma’s life and Her interactions with others then can so directly touch one’s heart even today. Jai Ma!

Monal Guest House, Uttarkashi

Anandamayi Ma ashram, Uttarkashi

Sivananda Kutir, Uttarkashi, where we sat on rocks on the bank of the Ganga

Sun through forest on Uttarkashi to Mussoorie road

and the fog rolls in...

Uttarkashi to Mussoorie road

morning view from Broadway Hotel, Mussoorie

Karunajyoti and Atmaja on our walk to our new "home"

Saraswati, Lakshmi, Ganesha - blessings on the road

"Old Ville" - our gigantic drafty house in Mussoorie

the entrance hall of "Old Ville"

morning view from front porch area

thanks to the garden outside the house

somebody lost an arm on Camel Back Rd

cute little puppy nuzzles between Zach's feet

Jai Ma!

Hope all of you are doing well. We’ll be here until Tuesday when we head down to Raipur. Thanks for coming along with us on this journey! Om Ma Sharanam Om Ma Om Ma Sharanam Om Ma!

Love,
Nandi

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